Dreams

Why can't I become who I want to be? Why can't I do what I want? Mom and Dad are always yelling at us, about wanting us to become this or that. It's always about education. But what about my expectations? I know I can't always make it to be the person who I expect to be, but I have other plans to back me up. Can't my parents just trust me this once?

There are 5 kids in the family. I have 3 older brothers, me, and there's my little sister. First of all, my oldest brother dropped out of high school. My other brother, he is now trying to earn enough credits to graduate, and he was supposed to graduate last year. My last brother, he is already failing and planning to take an alternative school to earn some credits. My little sister, she's just...kind of slow. But she's doing better this year. So, no one in my family had graduated yet. Me? My parents are hoping I would be the first.

Just because I'm the first child to be an honor roll student, and because I get good grades doesn't mean my parents should expect so much out of me. I hate hearing the word "education" coming out of my parent’s mouths. They just depend on me way too much. My mom says she doesn't want another child to makes trouble and better graduate. Uh-oh.

"You should become a doctor, or a nurse. Maybe you should even become a banker." No, shut up. I don't want to become any of those. Just listen to me this once. I want to do something I enjoy. I want to find a job that I'll enjoy doing for the rest of my life that can earn me good money. How can I stick to a job I wouldn't enjoy?

So many things are going in and out of my head. Stress after stress, and now I can't keep my grades up. My parents don't even know about my grades yet, I don't plan to let them know either. How sad and disappointed they would be if they knew. I know it, for a fact that if they ever find out, they will be lecturing at me more often. And I really can't take any of that anymore. WHY IS IT ME TO SATISFY YOU?

Because both my parents had never gone to school or graduated, they want us kids to be able to graduate. I know that they lecture us all the time because they want us to live a good life in the future. Because my parents are not satisfy with their lives, and they didn't get a chance to do what they wanted to do (go to school, get a job they like, and earn good money), they want me to do what they want to do. But they can't expect me to follow their dreams because I have my own.

Now here I am, trying to hide things from my parents. I have never spoken a word of failing, or wanting to do what I want to my parents. I am not ready to disappoint them. I've never thought I would turn out to be like my brothers. But, I take so much after them. Maybe it's not to late to make a change. It's just the beginning of the school year. Maybe I can get my grades back up. When I do graduate from high school, I'll get a job that'll at least earn some money to pay for college. My parents would be so proud of me. And then after, probably I can persuade them to let me become what I want to be. Maybe, a female rapper.

Most people think rap is just bad. Some are bad influence, but to me rap is one of the most important things in my life. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for rap. Because there's never anyone to listen to me when I'm down, I found my way of expressing my feelings. Life, it's what I write about. I can't even tell my parents that I'm failing, and that I hate their plans for me. But when it comes to rap, I just let it all out.

Becoming a good rapper though, is such a big dream. I don't even think I can accomplish this goal. But, there are other things that I wish to become. A fashion designer. my mom says, that there really aren't any jobs you could get if this is what I want to become. And, I guess it's a bit true. My mom is right...My dreams are so away from me.

At least I can become an Auto Mechanic. I've always been into things my brothers are into. Maybe mom and dad wouldn't mind me becoming one...or maybe they will. I still remembered what my dad had told my brother when my brother told my dad he wanted to fix cars and applied at "Checkers." "Fixing cars is boring. It's not a good-enough pay. Stop being such a lowlife and find a better job!" What if that's the same thing they would say to me?

If I can't do things I want to do and can only dream them, then I would rather sleep and live in my dreams forever. That's probably when I am free to chose what I want to do, and this time, no one can stop me.