What I needed to say...

What I wanted to say...
I wanted to say I hate you.
I want to let you know that I am over you.
I can live life without you
and everything in my life is perfect.
When you were still around
to me, you were a burden
Now that I am free,
no more will I ever have to wait for your calls
Never again will I have to worry about what you're doing
who you are with, and what you're doing.
I am free. Just like that and truly I am happy
So go on, and live life happily without me now that I'm gone.

But this, this is what I really needed to say...
Honestly, I wanted you to stay.
Somehow, I can't let you go
but I know I'll make it through someday.
When you were still here
I felt like I was a burden to you.
I thought I would be happy when I am free
but somehow I'm feeling this way.
I guess it's you who completes me.
Somehow I still wait for your calls.
Not knowing where you are at or how you are doing kills me.
I let you go just like that and now I've realized
I've lost everything that we used to be.

Believe me, I sure do miss you.

3rd Version

Sometimes I get jealous
when I see fathers and daughters
Not having a father throughout most of my childhood,
I learned to do things on my own
Whether I had a daddy or not,
Look at me, I turned out fine.

I can still remember when Daddy packed his bags
I can still hear Mommy yelling in the background for Daddy to leave
I laid on the floor and held onto my father’s leg
Trying my best to stop him but Mommy wouldn’t let me
She pulled me away and right then,
Daddy walked right out of the door without even a sound
Not even did he turned back to say good-bye
All Mommy did was wiped away my tears
She said that I am now a big girl and we’re better of without him
So since that day on, a daddy, I didn’t have.

2nd Version Poem

Daddy packed his bags
as Mommy yelled for him to leave
I laid on the floor
and held on to my daddy's leg
I tried my best to stop him
but Mommy wouldn't let me do so
She pulled me away
and now Daddy walks right out the door
Mom wiped away my tears
and said I am now a big girl
So since that day on
a daddy, I didn't have.

Poem

Daddy packed his bags
as Mommy yelled for him to leave
I lay on the floor
my daddy's leg, I hold on tight
I tried my best to stop him
I'll do anything to keep him here
Mommy pulls me away
and now Daddy walks right out the door
Mom wiped away the tears on my face
and said I'm a big girl now
So since that day on
a daddy, I didn't have

Dreams

Why can't I become who I want to be? Why can't I do what I want? Mom and Dad are always yelling at us, about wanting us to become this or that. It's always about education. But what about my expectations? I know I can't always make it to be the person who I expect to be, but I have other plans to back me up. Can't my parents just trust me this once?

There are 5 kids in the family. I have 3 older brothers, me, and there's my little sister. First of all, my oldest brother dropped out of high school. My other brother, he is now trying to earn enough credits to graduate, and he was supposed to graduate last year. My last brother, he is already failing and planning to take an alternative school to earn some credits. My little sister, she's just...kind of slow. But she's doing better this year. So, no one in my family had graduated yet. Me? My parents are hoping I would be the first.

Just because I'm the first child to be an honor roll student, and because I get good grades doesn't mean my parents should expect so much out of me. I hate hearing the word "education" coming out of my parent’s mouths. They just depend on me way too much. My mom says she doesn't want another child to makes trouble and better graduate. Uh-oh.

"You should become a doctor, or a nurse. Maybe you should even become a banker." No, shut up. I don't want to become any of those. Just listen to me this once. I want to do something I enjoy. I want to find a job that I'll enjoy doing for the rest of my life that can earn me good money. How can I stick to a job I wouldn't enjoy?

So many things are going in and out of my head. Stress after stress, and now I can't keep my grades up. My parents don't even know about my grades yet, I don't plan to let them know either. How sad and disappointed they would be if they knew. I know it, for a fact that if they ever find out, they will be lecturing at me more often. And I really can't take any of that anymore. WHY IS IT ME TO SATISFY YOU?

Because both my parents had never gone to school or graduated, they want us kids to be able to graduate. I know that they lecture us all the time because they want us to live a good life in the future. Because my parents are not satisfy with their lives, and they didn't get a chance to do what they wanted to do (go to school, get a job they like, and earn good money), they want me to do what they want to do. But they can't expect me to follow their dreams because I have my own.

Now here I am, trying to hide things from my parents. I have never spoken a word of failing, or wanting to do what I want to my parents. I am not ready to disappoint them. I've never thought I would turn out to be like my brothers. But, I take so much after them. Maybe it's not to late to make a change. It's just the beginning of the school year. Maybe I can get my grades back up. When I do graduate from high school, I'll get a job that'll at least earn some money to pay for college. My parents would be so proud of me. And then after, probably I can persuade them to let me become what I want to be. Maybe, a female rapper.

Most people think rap is just bad. Some are bad influence, but to me rap is one of the most important things in my life. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for rap. Because there's never anyone to listen to me when I'm down, I found my way of expressing my feelings. Life, it's what I write about. I can't even tell my parents that I'm failing, and that I hate their plans for me. But when it comes to rap, I just let it all out.

Becoming a good rapper though, is such a big dream. I don't even think I can accomplish this goal. But, there are other things that I wish to become. A fashion designer. my mom says, that there really aren't any jobs you could get if this is what I want to become. And, I guess it's a bit true. My mom is right...My dreams are so away from me.

At least I can become an Auto Mechanic. I've always been into things my brothers are into. Maybe mom and dad wouldn't mind me becoming one...or maybe they will. I still remembered what my dad had told my brother when my brother told my dad he wanted to fix cars and applied at "Checkers." "Fixing cars is boring. It's not a good-enough pay. Stop being such a lowlife and find a better job!" What if that's the same thing they would say to me?

If I can't do things I want to do and can only dream them, then I would rather sleep and live in my dreams forever. That's probably when I am free to chose what I want to do, and this time, no one can stop me.

55 Words

Can't believe it's over, it ended just like that
Now in my room, on my bed is where I sat
Shocked about what happened, I didn't even cry
It hurts so much I am numb, My tears are dried
Where'd the tears go? They're flooding me inside...
I faked a smile, this pain I'll hide...

Play

Scene: Kitchen

CASSIE
Dad, Can I get a hundred bucks?

DAD

For what?

CASSIE
I need new shoes.

DAD
Fine. My wallet is on the couch.

[DAD is fixing his tie. He is getting ready to go to work]

CASSIE
Actually I might need another 200 bucks. Me and my friends are going shopping
today right after we get out of school.

DAD
[giving CASSIE a weird look]

What do you need all that money for? Oh, and that reminds me you just bought
some new shoes last week. Not just new shoes but you bought a new purse, and new clothes. I even pay for your cell phone bills and give you gas money!

CASSIE
What? Am I suppose to go to the mall penniless?

DAD
You are one spoiled brat…

CASSIE
[gave DAD a sad face]

Please, Daddy? I know you love me. But don’t you want me to be happy?

DAD
[looks down at the kitchen floor]

Fine. Take 300 bucks from my wallet.

[DAD’S cell phone rings and he answers it immediately. Then he hangs.]

Cassie, I might not be here for dinner. Take another 20 bucks from my wallet and
go eat or tonight.

[CASSIE did as told. While her DAD quickly walks out the door. Then, DAD remembers he forgot to say “bye” to CASSIE and he quickly rushes back inside.]

DAD
Good bye, Honey.

CASSIE
[waves to DAD]

Bye! Have a great day, Dad!

DAD
[quickly rushes through his words]

Oh yeah, hand me my wallet. I can’t leave the house without it!

[CASSIE hands DAD his wallet and DAD quickly rushes out the door.]

Scene 2: Kitchen/Dining Room

[Both CASSIE and DAD are sitting on the dining table enjoying breakfast. DAD has his day off work and CASSIE doesn’t have school today.]

DAD
Cassie, I think we should spend some time together. I thought we should both go
fishing today.

CASSIE
[puts down her fork that she had in her hand]

Dad, I have plans today. I’m going out with my friends, okay? Maybe next time.

DAD
[looks disappointed]

But today’s a good day to go fishing! And, I don’t want the both of us to drift
apart. All we have is each other.

CASSIE
[slams her hands on the table]

I hate fishing, Dad! I wish mom was here. Why did she left us anyways?

DAD
[stood up from his seat]

I’ve done so much for you. I spent money on you all the time. I paid for your bills, I bought you your sweet ride sitting out on the driveway, and I let you do whatever you wanted. Just so that you can be happy. And you don’t want to spend time with your father? The one who raised you alone? I have never asked for anything from you.

[CASSIE stood up from her seat and quickly left the kitchen to go lock herself up in her room. While she laid on her bed, she picked up her phone and made a call to invite her friend over.]

Scene 3: CASSIE'S room

DAD
[knocking on CASSIE’s bedroom door]

Cassie, someone’s in the living room waiting for you. I think it’s Tina.

[CASSIE opens her door and walked out into the living room to greet her best friend, Tina.]

TINA
[stood right up from the couch where she sat]

Took you forever to get out of your room!

CASSIE
Sorry! Come on, let’s go into my room.

[They both walked into CASSIE’S room and sat on her bed, side by side.]

TINA
[stares at CASSIE for a while]

You don’t look happy. What’s up with you?

CASSIE
I just had an argument with my dad a while ago.

TINA
[TINA gives CASSIE a hug]

Aw, it’s okay. What did you guys argued about?

CASSIE
He wants me to go fishing with him. How stupid! I hate fishing! Especially with
him! All he talks about is his job. I can’t spend a day with him!

TINA
That’s all?! Cassie, you are bad! Why didn’t you just go fishing with him? Spend
some time with your father! He always seemed so busy. Look, it seems like he’s
trying to make things up to you since he’s been so busy with his job lately.
Actually if you think of it, he doesn’t even need to make it up to you! He spoils
you so much. You’re always wearing brand name clothing, carrying brand name
purses, you have a nice car, and you don’t even have to work for your money!
You are really one lucky girl. Maybe you should appreciate your dad for all the
things he has done for you.

[CASSIE thought about what TINA had just said. It was indeed true. Maybe her reaction to her dad earlier was a bit wrong.]

CASSIE
Oh, I guess you’re right. I was so rude to my dad just earlier! I feel really bad now!

TINA
[stood up from CASSIE’S bed]

Well, I have to go now. Do the right thing and go apologize to your dad. You two
seriously do need to spend some time together!

CASSIE
Alright then. Thanks for listening! I’ll send you off.

Scene 4: Living Room

[CASSIE spots DAD reading a newspaper on the couch. She walks up to him.]

CASSIE
Dad, I really need to talk to you.

DAD
What is it, honey?

CASSIE
[surprised that her dad didn’t even sound angry]

I’m sorry about my reaction earlier. You were right. You’ve done so many things
for me and I didn’t even thank you for it. I should be thankful I have a great dad
like you. So if you still want to, I really would like to go fishing with you.

DAD
It’s okay, honey. But if you really don’t like fishing, you don’t have to go. I won’t
make you go with me.

CASSIE
[talks in a disappointed voice]

Daddy, I really do want to go with you!

DAD
Great! We’ll have lots of fun then. Go and pack up your things while I pack
things into the car.

CASSIE

Alright!

[DAD and CASSIE walked out of the house and leaves the scene.]